Under what circumstances does a woman come to you for help with dating in midlife?
Women seek out my services when they’ve been dating for a while post-divorce or loss of a spouse, and can’t seem to find someone special on their own. I also have clients who have been single for years and have not been on a single date. They assumed their friends would fix them up or they’d meet someone organically, but that almost never happens.
In your experience, what are women looking for in a midlife relationship that might be different than when they were younger?
When you’re dating in your twenties and thirties, you’re usually seeking a husband, a provider who will at least share in the living expenses, and a father for your future children. Many midlife daters are empty nesters, so their focus is less on their kids and more on self-care. They’re now free to travel more and take time for activities they love. These women are looking for a best friend and lover, a true life partner.
Women in midlife know themselves better. They know who they are and what they want. They also know what they don’t want, and will not settle for crumbs anymore. The best relationships in midlife are deeper, more mature, and much more fulfilling.
What are common misconceptions and fears you hear from women re-entering the dating scene in midlife?
Many women think they’re too old to find love. They believe all the good ones are married or gay. They think they’ll be rejected for much younger, thinner, smarter, sexier women. These are all limiting beliefs. A grownup mature man is looking for a woman his age. He doesn’t care about a few extra pounds. He loves her feistiness, her opinions, and the rich life she’s lived.
What role do you play in helping women overcome these barriers to finding a meaningful relationship?
I first help women fall in love with who they are today, because if you don’t love yourself, you’ll only attract men whose self-esteem is low. I help them stop limiting themselves in any area of their lives. I give them the tools to speak up clearly and effectively when feelings are hurt. And I help them get clear about who their ideal match is—the essential qualities of a life partner that would make them feel safe and understood, someone who inspires them to be their best selves.
I work with women all over the world, via phone or Skype. I offer private coaching, group coaching (via teleconference line), and workshops, both in person and virtually.
What is your best advice to women seeking to find love in midlife?
Take exquisite care of yourself first. That means letting go of the soul-suckers, and learning to say no to whatever doesn’t support your growth and well-being. Become the high value woman who attracts the highest quality man.
Believe in love. Take control where you can and let go of the things you can’t control. Do everything you can to meet good men (effectively date online, go to meetup and social events), and show up as your best self. Radiate out warmth and love, have clarity about who your ideal match is, and become comfortable with letting the wrong men go. This way, you will have your best chance at finding lasting love.
What resources do you recommend to women who are seeking to find love in midlife?
My favorite books are Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back by Rachel Greenwald, Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve by Matthew Hussey, and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman, PhD.
My favorite website is: http://www.understandmen.com/
Contact Sandy Weiner at email@example.com
Sandy Weiner, the founder of Last First Date, is a world-renowned dating coach, radio host, and TEDx speaker. She guides women over 40 to attract true love—without giving up bits of themselves. Sandy provides the tools to help women increase their self-worth, understand and connect to the hearts of men, and become open to giving and receiving love from the highest quality men. She’s been dubbed the “man whisperer” for her ability to translate “man-speak” and help women communicate with men so they feel heard and respected. Sandy helps with every aspect of dating success both online and offline. She specializes in helping women do the deeper work of clearing out the blocks that are keeping them from attracting and sustaining a long-term healthy relationship. Sandy received her Life Coach certification from the prestigious Coaches Training Institute and studied with many of the top dating and relationship experts. She is proud to be the resident weekly dating expert at Better After 50, and contributes regularly to Divorced Moms, Your Tango, Digital Romance, Dating Advice, and many other international sites. Sandy would love to help you get from your first date to finding the man of your dreams. Don’t you want to go on your LAST FIRST DATE?